i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you win again, gameday.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
