the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
