You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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