I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
