haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
