I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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