If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
