Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
