I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
