There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
