it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
