Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
