Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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