Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
