if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
