guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
