I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
