I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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