I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
