I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
