omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
