Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
