Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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