There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
