worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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