I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
