My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
