Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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