Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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