I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is classic penis vs brain.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
