we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize