So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I forget how to act sober
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
