god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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