LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
