Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
