I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize