a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize