there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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