my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
