Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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