I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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