Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
