Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
