this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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