this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
