miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
