I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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