i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I haven't been this sober since birth.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
