i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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