??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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