forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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