Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So apparently I’m into choking now
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