hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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