this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
