Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
