My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The best revenge is premature balding
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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