mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
