I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
PANTIES FOUND
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