i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
