Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
