At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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