bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
