She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
