I faked an abortion last night.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
