Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
