Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
