You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
