Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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