guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
